Anniversary

I can not remember the specific day but know what time of year it was.  So I have officially gone 1 year since I last cut myself.  Well cut myself on purpose - I do tend to get clumsy in the kitchen. 

So if anyone out there is have a hard time with self mutilation, you can get past it.  It's hard and takes time but is achievable.  7 years ago I wouldn't have thought I could stop.  At the height of it I could have a dozen cuts at any given time.  The past several years seemed like I would do well but not be able to make it an entire year.

Cutting is a way to handle pain.  It's not done for attention.  It becomes natural.  That is to say, I would start to feel bad and automatically when for the blade.   It was during a time like that that I realized I needed help.  I hadn't even realized I had grabbed the scissors.

Here I am now, a year cut free.  Still trying to handle stress and pain but also finding healthy ways to do it.  I still get urges and probably always will.  It's the same principle as alcoholics, they will always be alcoholics.  I will always be a cutter and need to be able to recognize the triggers and signs so I can avoid falling back into it.

Good luck to all who are fighting the same battle of pain.  If you know someone who is harming themselves encourage them to get help.  Being able to talk it out, to hear others going through the same feelings, or just being able to journal and have a place to vent everything.

It takes time but will get better.